Tired

Im tired of just sitting on the sidelines

Im tired of worrying constantly


Im tired of just waiting for something amazing to come


Im tired of wishing changes would never come and that everything stays the same

Im tired of missing my friends from highschool because we have drifted apart

Im tired of all the bad things on the news

Im tired of just sitting around and being bored when theres plenty to be done.

Im tired of trying to be someone when Im perfect just the way GOD made me

Im tired of hating what I see in the mirror

Im tired of fearing that when I leave this world I will be forgotten

Im tired of all the stupid people in this world trying to bring others down or cause them to commit suicide

Im tired of not being able to remember my childhood.

Im tired of fearing to learn about my childhood

Im tired of not believing my husband when he tells me Im beautiful

Im tired of questioning who I am...

Im tired of trying to be the perfect mom when I know theres no such title....

Im tired of living my life doing nothing besides cleaning the house... even though thats hardly ever

Im tired of wishing I could be a teacher, a counseler, a writer, a poet, and author and anything else I have ever wished to be

Im tired of hating my wieght

Im tired of my acne scars

Im tired of trying to have a clean house

Im tired of trying to figure out why things are the way they are...

Most of all Im tired of the days not being long enough to enjoy each moment with my family....

-Angela Courtney 05/16/2011

Update on our family

Ok so I havent posted a blog in a while and I thought it was time to post one. Hailey is now 6months old and Im really getting the hang of being a mommy. She just started sitting up by herself and just this morning picked up her bottle and put it in her mouth. She cant lift it up to get anything out yet but to me this is a major milestone. She had a case of RSV and finally over it. I balled on the way home when we got this news. At first she did really great with the treatments, although she refused to take the steroid. She couldnt keep it down. After a few days she grew tired of the breathing machine and we fought to give it to her. Now she is healthy. Here I am now 21 finally and loving this new job in my life. At times it becomes hard but I remember how much I love her and forget all my complaints. Not much has really changed besides my husband applying for disability and we are waiting on the results still. We are all moved out to our new house now next door to my mother in law. Its been hard getting used to living out here because  I was so used to going to my sisters house any time I wanted to and now I cant. But its been nice to have some me time and some alone time with my hubby. Hailey is begining to get her own personality. She makes her own little faces at us and others... OH and she has finally laughed.... YAY!!! We have been trying and trying to get her to laugh and she finally did. I was bathing her and was sucking up some access shampoo back in the bottle and the bottle made a noise and she just laughed at it..... Now I can hear her crying in the other room wanting me to come get her and rock her back to sleep.... SO until next time =]

Hailey sitting up and playing

holding her bottle

A little summary of my life....

Ok so I thought I would share a little summary of what my life is like....
 I sit here just a week shy of being 21 years old and happiley married to a wonderful man of almost 3 years... We have been together for almost 5 years and still seem to be learning more and more about each other every day. We got engaged on our 1 year anniversary of being together and we married 4 months after that. We were married 2 years before I became pregnant with our first child....

Now in between all that I have managed to go to school even after getting married... A lot of my friends thought it was weird that I was married before even graduating high schoo. BUT I didnt care...I was in love... My mom must have really trusted me because she let me move out a month after we got engaged .... We both agreed to just be simple about things and just get married at the courthouse... YES a BIG wedding wouldve been nice but I knew there was no way either of us or out families could pay for it... After we were married I continued on to college for two years and although I didnt graduate with a degree I plan to go back in the future for one. It was the begining of 2010 when we decided to concieve... although my husband had lost his job back in Sept. of '09 we both agreed there is NEVER a perfect time to have a child.... It took no time for me to get pregnant.... Fev. 11th I took a pregnancy test and it said I was pregnant. about a month later I went in for my first ultrasound and I was already 6weeks pregnant. My entire pregnancy went by so fast and I had no complications and the worse part of it all was the morning sickness... October 12 of 2010 I had my beautiful baby girl. Hope u enjoyed reading about my life as much as I did writting it...

Hailey Karen Courtney
Oct. 12th, 2010

New mom

Here I sit with my beautiful baby girl Hailey. I have found the first few months challenging but I have seemed to overcome them. I had a mild case of PPD at first but I was smart and got medication for it. My PPD was taking over me before I got meds for it. I got to the point where I couldnt look at my baby without crying...I couldnt enjoy her. Now being on meds for it I can enjoy her all day long and soak in all those smiles and coos.  She is now 3 months old and feister than ever. Growing a little more each day and full of life =]. Still no laugh yet but shes getting close... Ive got to say being a mom is one of the BEST feelings in the world. Although it is also a scary feeling too, but when I see her smile all the scariness seems to fade.